I am Waiting

 

What does it mean to wait, trust, and believe?

 

To me it means loving God above all else. It's coming to the conclusion that if I never get my dream job, if I never get married, have kids, or make millions that God is still good. In His goodness, He knows what's best for me. In knowing what's best for me, He sees what I cannot see, he hears what I cannot hear, and is doing something that my mind cannot comprehend. 

 

I've come to the conclusion that God's idea of blessing me is different from my idea of a blessing. If I was still living life based on my five year plan formed in college I'd honestly be heavily disappointed! If things played out according to my five-year plan, I would be in my own apartment in a different state, in medical school, engaged, and writing a book. If you know me or anything about me, I'm a long way off from all the above lol. I'm a Sixth Grade teacher, not dating anyone, and most definitely still in Maryland. At this point, your mouth may be hanging open and you may be thinking "yikes". You may even be trying to connect the dots on my behalf. No need lol. You see in the midst of what I thought was my life I encountered God. 

In encountering God I encountered a vision for my life that exceeded my expectations. I encountered a savior that said if you'd give me your life I'll bless you above all that you could ever ask, hope, think or imagine. In a beautiful, perfect scenario I would have read that, taken it in and baam! I'd be living in my full calling. But as you may know or are learning, God doesn't work that way. 

He won't build His house on a foundation that is not solidified, he will not give his peace on a situation that will not bring glory to his name. 

There is a pruning and a molding that needs to occur. If you are truly saying God I dedicate all I am to you, I live my life to worship you, you are all I need! Then be ready for your words to be tested, your heart cleaned, and your thoughts challenged. This is what I call the waiting season. Waiting is the pruning that occurs between the promise and its fulfillment. 

Although my life is far from where I thought it would be I have a perspective and a purpose that brings peace. I know where I'm going will be a blessing to not only me but every soul I encounter. If my idea of a blessed life is not in Gods will for my life, I have to learn to say "Let it be to me according to your will". This is where I have to trust that the Creator knows what He's doing. 

Quite simply, if I believe that Jesus laid his life down so that I may have life and have it more abundantly then I have no choice but to believe that I'm going to be okay. My life and the choices I make may not be appealing to everyone, it may not make sense to the unbeliever, and quite honestly seem foolish to most but I desire to be all that God has called me to be. More than anything I long to live a life worthy of my calling. So as frustrating as the wait might be, as discouraging as people's words may seem... I will wait. 

I will wait until the Lord says I'm ready and opens the next door for me. I will be obedient and intentional with the place I am in right now. I will be faithful with the little. My tongue will be the pen of a ready scribe and I will sing praises to my King. Even when I think I'm ready but God says otherwise... I will wait.