What I Learned from My Toxic Friendship - Kimberly Palmer

A friendship that I thought would last a lifetime ended after one phone call conversation.

A few months ago I found myself in the last stages of a friendship that I thought would last a lifetime. Over 100+ phone calls, dozens of sleepovers, and countless amounts of memories, this friendship was one of a kind. I pictured myself growing old with her by my side as my best friend but things gradually took a turn for the worst last year. She started to distance herself from me and only contacted me to get advice. Our friendship slowly turned into a one-sided relationship. She no longer showed interest in what was going on in my life and even blocked me on social media based off of how she was feeling. I constantly felt uneasy about the status of our friendship. One day I tried to talk to her about the problems I noticed in our friendship (and even apologize) and she expressed to me that no she longer wanted to be friends. This crushed me….

 

 

A friendship that I thought would last a lifetime ended after one phone call conversation.

 

Although this situation hurt me, there were a few things I learned that I hope can help someone else going through a similar situation. In this friendship, I was putting in more than the other party, so I was constantly let down. I felt used and didn’t have a two-way friendship I once had. These feelings were red flags that my friendship was toxic, but I did not want to believe it. I focused on our length of friendship and the memories we shared rather than focusing on the lack of fruit and brushed off the constant conviction I felt to let go of my friendship. The bible says in Proverbs 18:24 that, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly”. This verse means that friendship is something that requires hard work. Whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship, calling someone friend requires a lot of intentionality. If you ever find yourself at a place where you are not sure if you should be friends with someone, feel free to use this verse as a guide! Seasons change and some friendships are only for a specific time frame, no matter how long you have known that person.

 

In addition to ignoring my convictions, I wasn’t honest with myself. Both of us were going down two different paths of life that simply did not mesh. Now don’t get me wrong, you CAN be close friends with someone that has different goals/aspirations in life but once you find yourself in a friendship in which the other individual’s priorities are one you can not support, your closeness should be re-evaluated. “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” - Amos 3:3. If your friendship is more of a set back than a blessing, be honest with yourself and get guidance from God as to how to handle it. This might mean lowering your expectations or having a conversation with that person to see how you all can tackle this issue.

 

Toxic friendship can be challenging to recover from but God always makes everything work out for our good. In my case, I was forced to end my friendship because the other person did not want to try anymore. I’m super grateful though! This situation gave me more insight on what a healthy friendship looks like compared to a toxic friendship. Now I am even more grateful for the friends I have in my life. I want to honor them more and truly be a good, no….. GREAT friend. =) Thanks for reading ! 

 

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